Sunday, March 31, 2002

Over a week since the last entry and I had planned to be good but work is a drain. There's still so much left to do shooting the Show House and now it's just available evenings after 4 and till 12 on Sundays. Of course I have to get a lot of it done before the 12th so film can be sent to Florida Design. I'm a zombie but the money's going to be good (paying off MBNA) so I guess I'm a Zombie Whore....

Well I was cleaning off the desk this morning and actually found the first coherent Mr. Fong apperance so since I promised it so long ago here it is:



This was in a questioniare that Jay (the managing editor) had made up for new hires so we could get to know them and they could get to know us. I need to do question 2 to set up #3 which has Mr. Fongs:


#2 Situation: Your 72 Renault needs a new transmission after you panicked and accidentally threw the car into reverse when the brakes failed. On top of that, your bike has been stolen, the cat needs fixing and you're trying to save for either elective surgery or an eco-adventure in Dominica ( you haven't decided which). Tough times demand tough choices, so you've decided to cut back on magazine subscriptions. Which magazines from your previous answer would be the first and last to go, and why?


Okay, the transmission's shot, bike's gone, cat's broken and I'm using the eco tour as a cover for a covert operation: now I have to cut my magazine reading ( where's the ecsape from reality?). Well the first to go would be one of the Mac magazines, while you do need to see if that 4 mouse app is really Freak'n Awsum, the two are redundant at times. Wallpaper would be next because when you have money the models look at you invitingly but without it they laugh at you from the hot tub in their immaculently furnished Swiss chalet. PDN is paid for by work AND since I still have my job (RIGHT?) I won't give that up. Hobby Japan would be the last to go because it's one of the few titles I can't read and can't read it on line or in a bookstore and by now the transmission is paid for.


#3 Why in 2001 would you still be driving a '72 Renault?


Why a '72 renault? that's a question I have been asking myself for some time. I still remember the day, it had been raining all week, my bike had been stolen. (but some how you already knew that) I wanted Dim Sum so I grabbed my coat and headed out into the rain, I walked the street for what seemed like hours looting for Mister Fong's, Yeah I was a regular ther but I always had to get lost to find it. Mister Fong said 'coming for dim sum should be like a zen koan.' He was always saying things like that and carring the hot wok with his forearms. Go Figure. Finnaly I saw the alley, making my way around the puddles I finally reached the door. I stood there in the doorway shaking the rain from my jacket. Mister Fong, behind the counter, saw me and asked 'How's the weather out there?' I knew this joke but let the old man have his fun. "It's raining cats and dogs out there. Fong started to laugh as he replied 'then it's a good thing I'm not allergic.' I sat at my usual table and started playing with my chopsticks while I waited for the cart, that's when I saw her. The rain had stopped for a moment and a single beam of silver sunlight bounced down the alley reflected off the city's new trash truck parked up the way while the driver got Krispy Kremes. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. The embodiment of all the dragon ladies in those Charlie Chan mysteries I had watched on Saturday moring television. Her long black hair glistened in the silver sunlight, as she removed her sunglasses I was trapped instantly in her jade green eyes. After an eternity she glided across the floor to the counter picked up her order put down a stack of papers and just as quickly walked out. Suddenly the sky broke and rain once again felll. Mister Fong seeing I was caught in a vision, shuffled over to my tableand put down one of those flyers this vision of beauty had left on his counter. I quzzically looked at his knowing face, he just pointed and I read. "Classic Renault Get Together This Weekend" and there was her picture standing next to a '72 Renault. That's how this whole mess started...

Saturday, March 23, 2002

I know bad me for no entries for 2 days but I've been busy, and tired. Did a freelance job Thursday night what should have taken 3 hours wound up taking almost 6. Then I getting ready for the show house friday, It's just been so much and there's still 3days left, but it'll be good money. Got to sleep, more later ...Ed

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

It's funny... too day while on a shoot I was thinking that if I never took anotger photo for the rest of my life I'd be O.K. with that. Then later when I got back to the office and was going thru the mail there was a flyer for the Santa Fe workshops and I found myself actually thinking of going. It would be for a digital class not a real photo class. I need something a kick in the ass to get that feeling back or just quit, I can't see myself doing the same thing day after day for that much longer. So I've got till june to get the deposit and a portfolio together. That shouldn't be that hard, I've actually been having prints made of most of the digital stuff I do, I just need some of the little doodles to work into full ideas by then...Ed

Tuesday, March 19, 2002

Decided to start reading some real books today, trying to get my mind going again. Trying to read Joseph Cambell, funny I aways saw the Bill Moyers show with him on PBS but never picked up the books. I feel it's a must read since alot of the images I use to make had some mythic narritive in them. I also got a book called from the Beast to the Blonde on fairy tales and their tellers, it's a look at classic fairy tales context and subtext, feminist tome but still looked interesting.

Still playing with Poser but the fun is wearing off. Going to get 4.0 so I can use alot of the stuff I downloaded but now not so sure what I'm really going to do with the images. if it's just for mock up then 3.0 (freebie) is all I need but if I think I can actually make something worth while... ahh spend the money now and regret it later Right?!? ...Ed

Monday, March 18, 2002

Not much tonight, so tired but still want to play with the program and figure out what I can do. Why does work have to get in the way of fun?...Ed

Sunday, March 17, 2002

Well I've spent almost the whole weekend on the computer it seems. I got a copy of Poser 3.0 and have been playing with it for 2 days,downloading all kinds of stuff to put in it. Now Ineed to figure out how to make my own object. I haven't been this obcessed with a program in so long. It's fun and I actually might get some thing out of it. Off to play...Ed

Ok let's start a schedual here, every Saturday/Sunday (well except for next saturday because I'm shooting the showhouse) we'll do a little of Mr Fongs.




Of all the dim sum joints she had to walk into mine...




The restaurant had been empty for the past hour. That wasn't unusal especially in the spring when it seemed like the rain came every day. The rain meant that I could actually get some work done, well until people remembered we did carry out...then I would have to get wet.


I sat at my usual table in the corner and pulled my lap top out of my bag and started to check my email. I had worked a trade with the business net door to use their wireless network for occasional use... ocassionally I tell them I use it. I had just settled into my routine when the phone rang.


I made it to the phone by the second ring (oneday I will talk that old man into getting a cordless phone)


"O'Malley's Jewish Delicatessent and Chinese Laundry Gino speaking" I said into the reciever. I never understood why everyone had to answer the phone that way, well except for the girls who answered it as Angelina and of course Mr. Fong but then he never answered the phone in the first place.


"2 number 7s and 2 teas Ok that'll be a half hour pickup or an hour delivered. You want that delivered?...Ok" I read back the order and address before I hung up. I didn't really need to write anything down... it didn't matter what you ordered you got what Mr. Fong cooked that's how you can tell the regulars they just asked for dinner. Many times he had tried to explain that Dim Sum was for the heart and he could tell what the heart wanted... though usually it was his heart.


I walked back to the kitchen to hand over the slip, the old man was in one of his moods so he had retreated to the kitchen to concoct the next weeks menu. He was not happy to be disturbed by anyone and especially someone bringing work. I muttered something about them paying for his kitchen and was about to get an ear full of Chinese when the front door opened.


"Gotta get that I told Tetsumi I'd watch the front while she went on her break"


"Go! and don't bother me again" he yellend as the door swung shut.


Not being one to let it rest I yelled back "don't forget my order" and laughed


As I came thru the door I saw at the counter the one person I never wanted to see again and always dreamt of seeing again.


"Hi" she said "the people at your apartment building told me I could find you here"


Note to self Kill all my neighbors..."Yep here I am" I stammered How've you been? wait ... No...Why are you here?"


"I'm in town for a week on business and had heard you lived here now so I thought I'd look you up...maybe you could show me around town. We could talk"


"Yeah ...talk"


"I know this is all a suprise me showing up after all these years. Here" reaching into her pocket" this is the name and number of the hotel I'm staying at and the room number, call me when you get off work."


Putting down the piece of paper on the counter she turned and walked out.


I just stood there staring at the address of the hotel...it was just around the corner from my apartment. My apartment that she now knew was really mine and not just an old address.


All that was going through my head was why had she looked me up after all this time. I knew she wanted something. That had to be the answer. I didn't enter into her mind unless there was something I could do to make her life easier. How long do I have to pay for a five year relationship? I mean sure she was my first real girlfriend, I won't say she was my first true love, I did love her at least for awhile then it was like along with fear. I was afraid of what she'd do to me and my family. But then again I was also afraid of what my family would do to me if I stayed with her.


The bell ringing again snapped me out of my train of thought, looking up I feared she'd returned, but there was no one in the restaurant. I knew I had heard the bell but didn't see anyone. That meant one of two things: my medication was wearing off and all this was a hallucination or Tetsumi was back form her break and was right now sneaking up on me...



Untill next time...Ed

Friday, March 15, 2002

I don't know why Friday is such a hard day to write on...I just want to skip all entries on Friday and wait till Saturday and post twice. Laziness I suppose.

Started looking for books off the SVA photo reading list. Most are out of print according to local bookstores or out of stock, so I'll wind up ordering them online which I didn't want to do. I wanted to actually skim the book first to see if it would even hold my interest. (you know you could just go to the library... that thought just crossed my mind). I don't know why I never think about the library... I use to go every week when I was a kid and I'd go to the one in Savannah, I guess it's because I never think of the library here having anything though it was the first place I found a copy of Keepers of the Light (the historical photo techniques handbook). I would need to get a new library card I still have the one I had as a kid but my father says that's 5 styles to old. Well that's something to do tomorrow...Ed

Thursday, March 14, 2002

Resquested some catalogs for grad school today, SVA and Art Institute Chicago. I'll probably get some more once I remember schools with decent programs. I don't know if I'm seriously considering Grad school or if it's just something to occupy my time. I mean I'm not thinking of going till 2004 so that's time to do or not do. I have no portfolio of personal work, and I've never really made a portfolio of that except for the platinum/ palladium class I did with Craig Stevens. Trying to create a body of work that I can then cull 20 images from is just a big wall to me. I've always used the excuse that since I create images and not shoot what I find doing a large number of images is a big undertaking so 5-10 images is max for me. Also finding a subject to explore is another hurdle...I mean I've still got those Major Arcana images from the Tarot simmering in the back of my head and there's always the mythological narritives I used in Pt/Pd class. Passion... that's something my work has always lacked, I don't know if it's even possible to create that passion that I see other people have for their work... that ability to keep going regarless what people think about your work just because you believe in it and that it speaks to you.

Subject...Method...Madness...Creation...Execution...Production...

"...there is only Do and Not Do there is No Try...." Yoda Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back

Ed

Wednesday, March 13, 2002

Today I was flipping thru PDN (Photo District News) and came across a piece on this guy I knew in college. Malcolm Lightner, he's teaching at SVA. It was a more about the class it's a business type class for Freshmen, contact lists pounding the pavement, pricing stuff I wish I knew then and really wish I knew now. Usually when I come across people in PDN I get a little depressed because it's not me, I thought I was better than so and so. But when I saw Malcolm's name I was happy for him I didn't know him that well but he is very talented and was always very driven. The one class I had with him I secretly competed with him. He was the person I set to be as good as if not better.

That's alot of my problem is that I need someone to compete against, some one I respect and value their respect. I think that's why I felt more challenged in Savannah there were people I respected their talent and wanted to be that good at something, while people also respected me and what I could bring to the table. There was more of a give and take not just a "here's some more pictures just like the other ones". I need some one to look at what I do and go that's good but I can do it better and so can you and then the battle ensues. I know I should get more involved in the arts here but I don't. I haven't produced a non commercial image in over 5 years and it's been even longer for a series. Once I wanted to go to Grad school but now I don't know anymore.

I didn't want this to be a downer entry I just wanted to say I was happy for Malcolm and wish him the best...Ed

Tuesday, March 12, 2002

Why do I do this? I write these silly entries thinking that they will help me gain some great insight into my psyche but than I get all caught up it the idea that someone other than me might be reading this. Not that that makes a difference...well maybe it does I don't talk about real things beacuse someone might actually know who I'm talking about. But I still do this but not tonight...Ed

Monday, March 11, 2002

"The first step to getting somewhere is to decide that you aren't going to stay where you are." I don't know where I got that from but it's been staring at me for the past couple of days on my sticky pad...Think someone may be telling me something? That's the problem with believeing there's a Grand Scheme everything takes on a meaning but no one is sure what that meaning is... it's like everyone is using the same words but the definitions ane all different...Ed

Sunday, March 10, 2002

That bit of the story I started last time sounded so much better when it was in my head... I am so out of practice in writing like that... Hell I'm out of practice writing at all. I'll work on it some more and restart in an actual narritive. I just need to get into some kind of routine. I use to have a schedule oh so many years ago and I'd get so much done now it's just get home sit infront of the TV then come to the computer for an hour then bed. I need to start following the advice of Robert Schuller (Right?) and the Crystal Cathedral "Don't just sit there... DO SOMETHING!"

Though I have been reading up on CSSs so maybe soon I'll get my own webpage up with some of my photos and all....That's the plan Ed

I can't seem to leave well enough alone... I've put a little list of what I'm listening to on the side because A) Music really does affect my mood and productivity and B) everyone else does it....Ed

I haven't gone to bed yet so it's still the same day to me....
Here's something I started it's really rough and I keep changing point of view but hey write first edit later
so here it is:

Scene Open

A city street somewhere in China Town

Woman in raincoat walking down sidewalk


Heavy Rain

You have no idea where you are, 7 blocks ago and 3 transfers you thought you knew but now haven't you passed this door 2 times before? Yes?.....No?......you don't know, but the question that keeps nagging you is why are you out in this rain wandering through the back alleys of chinatown.

outloud: "Why is it always raining when I go looking for this place?..."

reaches into pocket for cell phone and dials number

'Hi it's me I can't come to the phone right now so leave your name, number and a short message and I'll get back to you when I feel like it.....'

into phone: "You sure as hell better be at the restaurant because when I get there I'm going to kill you."

shoves phone back into pocket

This has to be the right alley you say to yourself....across the street from the bookstore what is it he's always mumbling 'when you think you go no more/ then you'll see the book store/ when this comes into site/ it's the next alley on the right'.

Up ahead she sees the alley and the familiar O'Malley's Chinese Laundry and Jewish Delicatessent sign on the corner of the old red brick building. Making the turn she can't help but smirk wondering what this little encounter will bring.


Flashback

Woman sitting at computer in small apartment, [Light drizzle seen out side window]



she clicks on program

out loud: "What the Fuck does he want..... There's always some shit he wants to unload... I'm not his emotional valet!......"

"Fuck!....."



To: You
From:Me
Subject: Mr. Fongs

Chinatown
8:45pm

You know the drill

Come Alone

Takes cigerette from pack beside the computer.... lights it. sinks back into chair as she exhales.

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSShitttttttttttttttttttttt............"






Saturday, March 09, 2002

Nothing for friday night... got home from work and was too tired and too much in a funk to write so I just went to bed.
So I'll just write more tonight...Ed

Thursday, March 07, 2002

You know I use to have all kinds of thoughts and insights that I thought the whole world should know. Now I can't come up with anything, I mean every now and then something will come into my head but by the time I'm able to right it down I've forgotten it. I've alway thought it would be reall cool to have a voice recorder in my car so that way I could just talk and have all these random ideas recorded, no need to find the recorder just talk and there it goes, though I'd have to sift thru all my singing in the car to get to those thoughts... do airline pilots sing on their cocpit voice recorders.... Just a thought...Ed

Wednesday, March 06, 2002

Today more of the same, God I bore myself writing this day after day. I'm glad no one else will read this or if they are they're long asleep by now.

Looking at other blogs I stumble across so many that are A) writen by 14 year old girls, B) about Anime or C) sex and I mean hard core sex. I sometimes think I'd like to write Porn I mean it would be a lot of fun. How can you write "He slowly lowered himself onto her easing his ever hardening man cannon into her moist valley of delights, thrusting deeper in to her virgin territory, a vision of the war flooded his mind just as his own battalion of marines left the ship" and stay in a bad mood. Fuck (to me) is one of the funnest sounding words - it reminds me of when I get my shoes stuck in the mud and they get yanked off my foot by the suction.

Just a thought...Ed

Tuesday, March 05, 2002

Not Much today....I've been looking at other peoples blogs, seeing how they're done and what people talk about. Found a couple so far that I like nothing I feel like posting yet, just little bits here and there nothing consistenly. I have noticed that lot's of people tak about Buffy, which is fine since that's one of the few shows I don't miss, except when the stupid station drops the signal for half the episode so you wind up only getting bit's and pieces like a bad clip show...One more episode that'll "be new to me" when they do reruns...Ed

Monday, March 04, 2002

You know having my connection time out on me is really starting to piss me off. 'guess I'll start typing in some other program and then cut and paste what I have to say in here. I mean Damn it I'm typing as fast as I can it's not like I wander off and have beer or something. Drinking and writing to great taste that are sure to Fuck you up in some way.

I know I've been promising a Fong story but you'll have to wait a bit more I found a bit that needs to be fleshed out some then I'll post it. But til then here's something I found looking for Fong stuff. It's from a play (i.e. a letter meant to destroy a friendship) I started but never finished and there for never sent so why not put it out there so total strangers can see it... OK let's go.

Background: '97 went to Atlanta for some freelance
job. Hung out with Gretchen and her Girlfriend at a
topless bar and then an after hours gay bar. This is
part of an imaginary conversation to Suzanne about
the trip.

Phone Interlude

‘So what did you and Gretchen talk about at your little club?’
‘Oh, Lots of stuff... we talked about what we were doing with photography, what we wanted to do and stuff like that...’
‘is that all?’
‘No after we had started to get a good buzz we talked about sex, don't know how it came up ...( giggle on the other end)... I asked about her tongue stud you know whether chicks dug it as I had heard, her response was ‘I hear guys dig it too’ ...I said ‘I wouldn't know about that but was willing to participate in field research’...’
‘Oh really?... what she'd say to that ...’
‘She just laughed ...then we changed the track to first times, people we'd had sex with, people we wanted to have sex with...’
‘Was I on that list’
‘I don't think she mentioned having sex with you’
‘That's NOT what I Meant.’
‘I know that's not what you meant but in the two years you've known me when have I ever answered a loaded question straight out? huh?
‘never...
‘ so why should I start now?’
‘....because I'm asking ....
‘ do you really want to know or is this just a quick way to get an excuse to hang up on me...’
‘...no, I want to know...
‘ ...Of course you were on my list... yes I want to have sex with you...’
[Long Silence]
‘...hey... hello... are you still there...’
‘Yeah.... I'm here.’
‘you asked ....I answered... I know I should have said no ... but hey some times you just have to mess things up for your self...’
‘So... tell me about it...’
‘what do you mean ?’
‘I mean... tell me about these fantasies about making love to me...’
‘O.k. ... I guess....’
‘when I was around at work ...( yeah?)... did you undress me mentally?’
‘I tried...’
‘What do you mean you tried... I've heard some of your rambling and you have an over active imagination...’
‘O.K. ... what I mean is I tried to but the minute I would get your shirt off of you... whether I was unbuttoning it or pulling off one of your white T shirts... The moment I saw your Blue bra I just went blind... all I could think about was that Ultramarine Victoria's Secrets bra of yours...’
‘You're on crack!...’
‘What's that suppose to mean?... I would watch you pull and tug at those straps the way your T shirt would shift on your shoulders showing the straps... all I could do was hope there was a pair of matching panties...’
‘Oh really... and did you ever find out I did have a pair of Blue Panties...’
‘Yes...’
‘HOW?’
‘You're a slob... that night I came over to fix your CD player... remember that [ yeah]... well they were on the floor by your bed with all your dirty laundry, so after that I could unzip your pants and see your blue panties...’

---
That's all there was so I guess this passes for the end. Later...Ed

Sunday, March 03, 2002

It's Sunday night and I got none of the things I wanted to do accomplished. Not that there was anything specific but I just wanted to go back to the office on Monday knowing I did something on this list I keep updating in my head. About the only thing I even remotely got done was tracking down a model of a Chris Craft boat for this photo illustration I'm doing. Well I found on this guy is working on at the local hobby shop, but of course he only works weekdays, so it's back there tomorrow and see if I can talk him into letting me take some pics of it.

Also no luck on finding the first Mr. Fong's apperance maybe I have a copy at work some where, it would really tick me off if it's gone. I think that was some pretty good impulse writing. People at work thought with some clean up I could write for the magazine. I don't want to write for them, having people control how I take photos is one thing but my personal stories.... No way.

Saturday, March 02, 2002

I've spent the last hour tinkering with this page, not that anyone will know the difference. Hit and miss html editing is a pain, copy it to Simple text then change something, open in IE to see if that worked then back again and then it all has to be set in the template page. AGGGGGGGGHHHH! But I think I've got it where I can stand it untill I really figure out what I can and can't do... Ed

I use to find myself writing a lot in the past. I would write monologs with stage directions and music choices and then send these to my friends, the would serve as letters. I always hated the How are you?... I am fine, I hope you are fine too, so this was a way for me to say what I wanted to and act like I was there talking to the person. Anywho, I don't write that much anymore so I've decide to start this little excercise and keep a journal. I've tried to keep a paper journal over the years but I'd get caught up trying to write some great literature for the ages and mark out paragraph after paragraph because I changed my mind then I'd tear out pages because it looked bad to have all those black paragraphs. But when I work on the computer I can just go free wheeling down some stream of consciosness and hope my fingers can keep up with me. So that's what this will be a collection of strange thoughts and ramblings along with bit's and pieces of a story I have been telling myself over the past year.

I guess first things first Why call it Mr. Fong's? My name's not Fong [it's Ed btw] , I'm not even remotely Chinese and I have never met anyone named Fong. Mr Fong's an imaginary (at least in my world) little Dim Sum restaurant in "the city". This city could be New York but since I've only been there (New York) 3 times I don't want to be held by any cartological constraints, so I just say the city. The restaurant is kind of a home base for the little vingettes I create involving myself, the staff of this restaurant and an every changing array of customers.

Somewhere I have the first apperance of Mr. Fong's, I'll try to find it and post it tomorrow. I think that's a fair start...Ed